Bless Me Father

Bless me Father for I have sinned. It is over two years since I last had the gas boiler serviced. It must be two years since I bought those fence bits and they're still in the shed half-painted. We're here five years and I never looked at the septic tank.

I keep forgetting to check the tyres on the car Father. They're not that bad but they probably need something. That other toilet hasn't been working in God-knows how long. I never did the thing with the windows. I never cleaned the gutters. My desk is a fucking - sorry Father - my desk is a state and I only remember when I'm in there.

I never sorted out a pension Father. I never did the health claim thing. I never bled the radiators. I don't know how to bleed a radiator. I should get the boiler done first before the radiators anyway. I'll need to clear out the boiler room first. I can't do that when the kids are there.

I shout at the kids too much Father. I don't like doing it and I know it doesn't work and I still end up shouting. They f- they deserve it sometimes too, I mean I'm trying to help them and they really don't make it easy sometimes, but they're only kids, I mean ... I don't know Father.

I don't know what to do with the shed Father. I should have done that first before it was full of stuff. I need to get a skip. I don't know if I need a big one.

I need to fix the yoke Father. I reckon I could do it myself if I had the time. I don't want to ring someone. They won't want to come out for something like that anyway. I'd like to be able to do it myself. I'd like to have done it. I don't know when I'll get time to do it. It's been like that for a year Father. It's a disgrace. Every time I look at it ... I don't know.

It's okay my Son. Nobody does. Say ten Hail Mary's and do one job every Saturday. Take Sunday off and don't shout at the kids.

Independence

We hold these truths to be self-evident

That government is like the people

That in time of recession, confusion or change

We grow self-absorbed and fearful.

Not all men are equal in our eyes

Family and friends take priority

Should all those people look the same

We retreat to a narrow authority.

But life and liberty, justice and hope

Must be blind as the water or won't long endure

When we take our measure off somebody else

The well has been poisoned and nothing is pure.

A prince of no character, with designs of a tyrant

Is unfit to lead us, so why wait for his lead?  

We pledge once again, though laws may not prescribe it

To do what he doesn't and give what we need.

2 Under 2

Lazy moments short and few
You care for them at work and play
We now have 2 under 2.

At first it was a blur of you
A strange new world of night and day
Lazy moments short and few.

It came a rhythmic heady brew
Gath'ring rosebuds while we may
We now have 2 under 2.

Married then and building too
Very little gang agley
Lazy moments short and few.

Wee Man out, mo bhoire blue
My love for you grows unrestrained
We now have 2 under 2.

Little One she says Agoo
I stop to kiss you anyway
Lazy moments short and few
We now have 2 under 2.

October 2014

It's like one of the fields from World War I outside.
The mist didn't roll in so much as rise up
And there's a harvest moon you could eat your dinner by.

I'm just looking for things to tell you about when you get home
But there were no animals outside when I was out there
And no noise at all or notable odours to report.

Tomorrow you'll be home at some stage with the bairn.
And the mist and lack of odours will be yours to note if they persist.
I will have my wife back and the world will turn again.

Question Time #3

What time is it? It's time to go down the stairs.

What time is it? It's time to change your nap-nap. No flipping.

What time is it? It's time to go in your chair and talk to Jerome. And Debbie the Zebra.

What time is it? It's time to wash ya face.

What time is it? It's time to read a book. Did you write to the zoo again?

What time is it? It's time to go for a walk, apparently. Off we go.

What time is it? I don't know, it could be noon or 4pm or 6 or something.

What time is it? It's time for dinner. Some goes in your face. Some goes on the flo'r.

What time is it? It's time to brush brush brush.

What time is it? It's time to go to schnarf.

What time is it now? It's still time to go to schnarf. Go to schnarf.

What time is it? It's time to tell your Mama we love her very, very much. And to put the kettle on.

Rejected Baby-Names

Aaron - too alphabetical
Brian - will never be more than a right-back
Conor - condemned to lifelong insecurity about his masculinity
Donal - first impression is a lack of intellectual heft
Eamonn - wears a jumper on his day off
Fergus - has never been outside the county
Gary - name too thin to denote someone of substance
Henry - will develop sexual perversions unless a sound and suitable nickname is found quickly
Ian - name only works as a plaintive cry of torment
John - praise sounds insincere
Keith - self-consciously posh or skangery depending on pronounciation of the 'h'
Liam - would be great name for a harmless reptile
Martin - enunciating second syllable puts person addressing him in a bad mood
Neil - Dream Pun minefield
Oliver - will always dress as Harry Potter on Hallowe'en
Paul - has too little to think about
Quincy - will always be a disappontment in person
Richard - would need to be a tall generous millionaire
Simon - eugh
Trevor - will acquire physical and social awkwardness because people expect it of him
Ultan - just gets weirder every time you meet him
Vincent - can't stay out of the bookies
William - no he won't
Xavier - achievements will be dismissed as merely a consequence of his name
Yancy - might not have the hair to pull it off
Zachary - too z-ey

All girls' names are fine.

The Mizzen Boom

I saw a boat called Mary and she bobbed out in the bay
Mary has some barnacles, they'll have to go some day
But meanwhile Mary sails along, her crew is all aboard
Her Captain has the maps out and he's making for the shore.

I saw a boat called Mary and she bobbed out in the bay
Mary'd had a lick of paint at dry-dock in Calais
She sailed as clean as ever through the water, blue and white
The Captain and his bosun swung the boom and hung a right.

Two Thousand and Thirteen

Oh to be happily married
Oh to have one to enthrone
Oh for the love they used sing about
Oh to have found the way home.