Python Outtake #1

Reporter: Would you describe the situation as pandemonium?

Bystander: Well, pandemonium is a little broad. Is was more of a localised demonium really.

Diminutive old lady passing by: Hey, who are you calling a little broad? Eh? (hits bystander with handbag).

Car Registration Plate

"05-D-79824. 05-D-79824. 05-D-79824. F*ck this is boring. 05-D-79824. I hate this. 05-D-79824. Why couldn't I be a - 05-D-79824 - a one of those electronic signs that changes. 05-D-79824. Bit of divarsion. 05-D-79824. Variety is the spice. 05-D-79824. Even a clock gets to change every minute. 05-D-79824. What I really dream of - 05-D-79824 - is of being a big f*ck-off billboard. 05-D-79824. In Times Square. Changing every few seconds. Oh, sweet moment, what a dream. Glorious dream ..."

Products of a Doomed Civilisation, #1

Camomile toilet paper

(because your faeces are worth it)

Lines Looking for Situations, #2

1) No Timmy, you eat it like this. See? Now then, there's mommy's good little heterosexual.

2) Yeah. He was one of those guys who works every weekend and ends up proposing to his masseuse, you know?

3) In the end, I bruised up like the october sky. She cried like something else. It was all we had.

4) Yes sir. Certainly sir. I believe the sous chef is stuffing her as we speak. Indeed sir. Good one sir.