Recession Stories, #1

Hi. Have you got a second?. I'm Joel and I sell shoelaces.

Would you like a shoelace? I'm selling them individually now, if that helps. You can come back next week and get the other one. I'll make sure you get the same colour. Go on.

Shoelaces aren't just for shoes you know. I mean, you can tie things together with them - plastic bags, apples with the little stem bit still on, hair bobbins. You can even tie shoes to other shoes.

Wait a minute - shoelaces are always handy to have. If you ever need to kill yourself, or someone else. If you overpower a burglar and need to tie them up before the police arrive - just think, you might save you family's lives with a shoelace. I mean, would you let your children die cos you hadn't enough shoelaces? Would you be able to forgive yourself? It's only 20 cent for f*ck's sake. Go on, buy a shoela ... forget it.

Hi. Have you got a second ...

Hi, I'm Joel. Have you got a second to talk about shoelaces?

Presidential Address #1

My fellow Americans

Good evening. This is your President. I have asked to speak to you tonight on a matter of grave national importance. Our economy is in crisis.

It should come as no surprise that a system founded on fear and greed, and run by self-important men in suits, should be brought to its knees by the fear and greed of self-important men in suits.

We need leadership.

Goodnight

Baseball Stories #4

http://www.esquire.com/features/sports/slow-boil-cone-0599?click=main_sr