Lessons Learned from Recent Events #1
The Dublin Airport website crashes when it would be useful.
The Delta terminal in John F. Kennedy airport, New York, is a bit shit. The Air France terminal is nicer.
Flights from Paris to Dublin with Air France but operated by Cityjet are cancelled if Air France says they're cancelled, even if Cityjet says their services are running.
The website of the French train company, sncf.fr, is more interested in the weather, podcasts littéraire, les discussions sociales, articles on écomobilité, their own radio station, their own children's cartoon and other pointless wank than in information about trains. The website is so full of wank, in fact, that they have to have a separate section for vie pratique.
The English-language version of the sncf site won't let you book a ticket less than two days in advance, even if you intend collecting it at the train station. The website refuses to show you timetables for today or tomorrow.
The Celtic Link ferries website says it has availability on the Cherbourg to Rosslare service even if it doesn't. When you ring them, they are c*nts.
There are boats from Le Havre and Cherbourg to Portsmouth. Trains from Paris to the ports leave from Paris St. Lazare. When asked to clarify which train station they are going to, Parisien taxi drivers speak as indistinguishably as possible.
You cannot rent a car in Portsmouth after 6pm. The car rental companies' websites suggest otherwise, but this is untrue.
If you were to rent a car in Portsmouth with the aim of driving it to Holyhead, you would have to drop the car in Caernarfon, 28 miles away.
Caernarfon is spelt Caernarfon.
The English National Rail website is very good, except that it doesn't let you book train tickets.
Trains from Portsmouth to Holyhead go via London Waterloo, London Euston, Birmingham New Street and Crewe, or Guildford, Reading and Cardiff Central, or London Waterloo, London Euston and Chester, or London Waterloo, London Euston, Crewe and Chester. Cardiff to Holyhead takes five hours. Google Maps thinks Birmingham is in Alabama.
There are many English rail companies, each with its own website, each requiring an account to be set up before you can buy a ticket.
You can use the Virgin Trains website to book tickets on South West Trains or Arriva Trains Wales services. However, if you try to book tickets on two connecting trains at once, you will be charged extra. Portsmouth to Holyhead, for example, would cost €183 instead of €150.
Portsmouth to Holyhead costs €150.
The boat from Holyhead to Dublin takes one hour forty-nine minutes or three hours fifteen minutes. The boat from Liverpool to Dublin takes seven hours. Holyhead is on a bit of Wales that sticks way the fuck out into the Irish Sea.
There is a boat from Swansea to Cork, but only three times a week. There is a boat from Roscoff to Rosslare, but only in summer.
The National Express bus service from Portsmouth to Holyhead via London has WC facilities on-board. The journey takes eleven hours and fifteen minutes.
When you book train tickets online, you have to nominate the train station at which you're going to collect the tickets. You must also have the credit card on which you booked the tickets in order to collect them. Some people's credit cards, in addition to the cardholder name, number, expiry date and security code, require a password for use online. If you don't know the password, you need their date of birth and credit limit. You lose mobile phone coverage on the boat from France to England. You must book train tickets at least two hours before you want to collect them.
The boat from Le Havre to Portsmouth takes an hour to dock and unload after its three hour journey. Passengers get off last, and must then pass through customs.
There is a train station in Portsmouth called Portsmouth Harbour, but it is not the one closest to the ferry terminal. (Google Maps thinks Portsmouth Harbour is in Maine.)
The train from Portsmouth to London Waterloo arrives after tube services have stopped for the night. The train to Chester leaves from London Euston. The margin for error on the Chester changeover is twelve minutes. If missed, the next train to Holyhead misses the noon ferry. The later ferry takes an extra hour and a half.
Some of the boats home from Holyhead go to Dun Laoghaire.
The airports are back open.
posted by FastAndBulbous at 1:29 pm
days without, you know ...