Nanalysis

Bill: Alright lads, what do you make of it so far eh, live?

John: I'm quite enjoying it there Bill, I have to say.

Bill: Eamon?

Eamon: It's a fascinating encounter, Bill. It's a privilege to watch these two.

Bill: Right so, and what about you Liam, you're very quiet, are you feeling ok, live?

Liam: I don't see how that's relevant Bill, this whole thing is none my business.

Bill: Well we're here to do analysis aren't we?

Liam: Analysis of football Bill, this isn't football.

John: I'd rather watch this than Blackburn against Stoke there.

Bill: And tell me John, what do you make of her contribution? How does she compare to, let's say, a Salma Hayek or a Signourney Weaver, eh?

John: Well you have to take each relationship on it's merits there Bill. It's all very well saying Sigourney Weaver this and Sigourney Weaver that there. She must be fifty-odd at this stage.

Bill: Sixty-one it says here.

John: Well there you go there, sixty-one, I mean that's too old for the lad, and as for selma, salda ...

Eamon: Salma Hayek.

John: Salma Hak ... anyway she's ...

Eamon: Salma Hayek is a pain in the arse Bill, you can tell just by looking at her, always waving her assets about like some demented slapper in Lillies.

John: Well she's too short Eamon, I don't know about being a pain in the arse, I wouldn't know, I haven't seen enough of her there, but she's too short for him.

Bill: Well I read in Nuts magazine the other day that Sigourney Weaver is still a world class hottie. What does the panel think of that?

Liam: She was brilliant in ALIEN Bill.

John: She's too old though Liam, I mean you have to take it on its merits, and this girl is perfect for him, she's taller than Salma whatshername, she's attractive, she's got moral courage, she's intelligent ...

Liam: ALIEN Bill.

Eamon: She's intelligent, as John says, but more to the point, and I'm the only one who could make this point, she's a vibrant and compelling presence in his life. Thanks to her their time together is suffused with effortless joy and an inchoate majesty.

Bill: Liam?

Eamon: He's not gonna answer, baby.

Bill: Is she a great girlfriend Liam?

Liam: That's not why we're HERE Bill.

Bill: John, do you think she's a great girlfriend?

John: I would have to say yes there, looking at it, I think she is. Look at the way she makes him laugh there Bill, I mean that's basic stuff, but there's plenty of couples where that doesn't happen. If we roll the clip there, you can see he's not laughing ... run it on ... and there you can see then afterwards he is laughing, but if we see it from another angle ... hold it there ... it all comes about because she says something, and it might look like nothing at the time, but if you run it on ... you can see how it was her contribution, Bill, that made him laugh. And it becomes a habit, Liam will tell you, you can get into a habit of laughing or a habit of not laughing, and once you get into a habit of not laughing, it can be very hard to get out of it there.

Bill: Anyone else want to join in?

George Hook: Well I first came into contact with this fine young lady when she texted into my radio programme, and I always enjoyed immensely pronouncing the words in those text messages, and I think she's a fabalous girlfriend, and I think she'd make a cracking out-half as well, and I'd go on to say that, in the words of Shakespeare ...

Eamon: No no no, no, nobody gets to be poetic on this show except me. I play the poet, I play the crooner, sometimes I play the fool.

George Hook: ... in Hamlet ...

Eamon: No, no, no.

Bill: What do you think Didi?

Didi Hamann: She speaks schöne German and has a nice behind and dat.

Frank: I think she likes me and the way I do the and anyways.

Vincent Browne: Uhn teh well I was in her shop sow teh well.

Brian Lenihan: The reality of the situation is that as women go she's one in eighty-five billun and I think that given a chance the people of this country can see that she's one in eight-five billun.

Vincent Browne: Uhn teh well eh well.

Trevor Welch: She's brilliant of coooooooooourse.

Bill: Ok so, we've established that she's brilliant, live, so does the panel think that he deserves her, eh?

Micheál: Hello. Now Bill that's quite enough questions for today.

Bill: Well I think it's a valid question and I'd like to hear what the panel have to say about it, live.

Micheál: No I think we've accomplished what we set out to do here and it's past time we heard Amhrán na bhFiann on your little musical contraption there. And a Happy Christmas to you.

18 July 2009

This my greatness, my darkening hour

Take to tongue mind's lotus flower.

Treat my thoughts as if twere art -

I offer to describe my heart.

This my greatness, my watching eye

By which in girl I see the sky.

And in trilled stream a Monet wrought

I offer majesty to nought.

This my greatness, my open wound

The honesty of fancies ruined.

To disavow what's not been said

I offer up my greatest dread.

This my greatness, my letting go

My standing in the falling snow.

Or forest run on sunlit day

I offer not to mark the way.

Book Shop

Amidst all the temper, a book shop is quiet place. A place little-changed in 50 years. Fiction, Non-Fiction. Academic reference. History. Philosophy.

People move about with care, and then stop still in front of an eight-or twelve-foot bookcase. The books are not piled sideways that we may read their titles easily. They stand upright, and it is we who tilt our heads to know the name and that of the author.

Time passes differently.

But this is new - they have a section called Dark Romance.

You may be curious. You may wonder what kind of books are considered dark and romantic, and why they have their own section.

You don't want to know.