Together Through Life

This woman is the girl for me.
She is the first
We are a boat upon the sea.

This thing is not a novelty
It is a thirst
This woman is the girl for me.

We make laughter of a cup of tea.
We will not burst
We are a boat upon the sea.

She was not found so easily.
But all dispersed -
This woman is the girl for me.

At first I questioned this and me.
I feared the worst
We are a boat upon the sea.

We hold each other tenderly
It's unrehearsed.
This woman is the girl for me.
We are a boat, and this the sea.

The Celtic Badger

To whom it may concern

I've done a bunch of stuff for a few companies but I don't know the bullshit names for any of it. I was just doing my job at the time, and failed to conceptualise it for future self-aggrandisement. I would not describe myself as dynamic, nor would those who know me. I'm a grumpy bollocks in the morning but I take my work seriously, I'm nice to people and I've never really let anyone down. Also, I'm habitually a few minutes late for things I don't consider important - my last boss valued punctuality above all else, but only because he was intellectually incapable of anything more challenging than leaving a place earlier than necessary.

I'll take the job regardless of the conditions but I'm hoping there's no dress code, no such thing as 8am, and an unspoken rule that nobody does anything on Fridays. The first thing I'll do if I get the job is check if I have Internet access. If not I'm going to spend my first month's salary on a netbook and a wireless dongle.

I will not socialise with suits and she-suits. If none of my new colleagues have read Bukowski or Vonnegut I'm going to spend lunchtimes by myself. Incidentally, and I can't stress this enough, I fucking hate rugby. Specifically, I hate the cokehead blondebaiting Merrion Square ball-shavers who follow it, and I believe all this country's problems were created by people who go to Leinster matches regularly - and that includes the famine.

I will not work late if I have plans. I believe the profit motive starts wars. I am not a team player if the team is full of cunts. I only want this job because you can't make a living walking the earth, and if you give it to me you'll never realise what a good decision it was because you're an idiot.

You're an idiot with a degree in Human Resource Management, which means you don't do anything and have a background in not doing anything. This job, this process and your face are utterly beneath me, and I'll disguise my contempt just as long as it suits me to.

Also, I have excellent written communication skills.

Please find my CV attached, it's mostly bullshit.

I look forward to a response at your earliest convenience.

Best regards

CB