Rejected Baby-Names

Aaron - too alphabetical
Brian - will never be more than a right-back
Conor - condemned to lifelong insecurity about his masculinity
Donal - first impression is a lack of intellectual heft
Eamonn - wears a jumper on his day off
Fergus - has never been outside the county
Gary - name too thin to denote someone of substance
Henry - will develop sexual perversions unless a sound and suitable nickname is found quickly
Ian - name only works as a plaintive cry of torment
John - praise sounds insincere
Keith - self-consciously posh or skangery depending on pronounciation of the 'h'
Liam - would be great name for a harmless reptile
Martin - enunciating second syllable puts person addressing him in a bad mood
Neil - Dream Pun minefield
Oliver - will always dress as Harry Potter on Hallowe'en
Paul - has too little to think about
Quincy - will always be a disappontment in person
Richard - would need to be a tall generous millionaire
Simon - eugh
Trevor - will acquire physical and social awkwardness because people expect it of him
Ultan - just gets weirder every time you meet him
Vincent - can't stay out of the bookies
William - no he won't
Xavier - achievements will be dismissed as merely a consequence of his name
Yancy - might not have the hair to pull it off
Zachary - too z-ey

All girls' names are fine.