Obama Preview #1

(waits 5 minutes for people to stop cheering)

Thank you. Humbled honoured yadda Kansas Kenya.

(lowers voice to indicate seriousness)

Economy shit terrorists bad etc.

(change to hopeful tone, slowly building emotion in crowd)

Darkest hour faith sacrifice blah American greatness.

(mutters to himself about dickless wank-enema dildo-strokers fucking up country)

Chill, Whitey!

La Bolliqueria

(A closet-drama Opera buffa in three haiku)

The man is selfish
She says that he should not be
He doesn't listen

The man continues
His actions make her crazy
She grabs his bollocks

The man can not speak
He begs her to be gentle
She doesn't listen

Apology #1

The blogger would like to apologise. For the past few years, he has been propagating the misconception that women are inscrutable, exotic creatures, who exist to be revered and romanticised in verse and from behind bushes. One eminent commentator pointed out that he "talk[s] about them like they're from space".

It has been revealed to him that in person a woman is just a slightly nicer, slightly lamer version of a man - prone to recurring bursts of tweeness, cursed with an excess of empathy, and often the reluctant object of your misguided attention.

Once in a while she'll nail you to the wall with human genius.

In short, women are Paul McCartney.