Gracious in Defeat

A Global City is a city that is really big and stuff. New York, Paris, Tokyo etc. Dublin is not recognised as a Global City. I don't mind this. Competition is fierce. Our occasionally vomit-covered, scumbag-infested miniopolis is patently inferior to, for example, Minneapolis. Which as you know is famous for the world's largest shopping mall and a giant spoon. Renowned Minneapolitans include actor Vince Vaughan, former Vice-President Walter Mondale and plucky ethnic grab-bag The Mighty Ducks.

Often known as The City of Lakes, Minneapolis is situated in an area whose first European explorer was a Belgian Priest. Nowadays, the Minnesota Fringe Festival is the largest non-juried performing arts festival in the United States. Like all cities though, it isn't just fun and games (at the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, no less) in Minneapolis. There are social problems to deal with. Good citizens of this fair town are exhorted to 'Be a good neighbour---shovel your walk', lest a passing baby deer or other cute animal should suffer a nasty fall on the snow and ice which is all too common at these chilly northern latitudes.

Finally, Minneapolis, birthplace of Richard Dean Anderson, has reputedly the United States' fourth largest Independence Day fireworks display. Rigged up with chewing gum and paperclips, no doubt. And to cap it all, Minneapolis even boasts a statue, located downtown, of Mary Tyler Moore.

Eat shit, Dublin.