Progression Thingy #1

Carlsberg don't do girlfriends. If they did, they'd be small, yellow and taste a bit like Heineken.

Heineken don't do episodes of South Park. If they did, they wouldn't be funny.

South Park don't do Jaffa Cakes.

Jaffa Cakes are nice.

Nice is an adjective, but if it wasn't, I would have used a different word.

Words are not usually internally contradictory, but if they were that would cause a lot of cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance knows you're bad for it, but you're just its type.