The Office 24th May Special

Finally, from the office:

1) Woman Who Looks Like Someone Just Farted walked past my desk 14 times today. It is becoming clear that either I have a serious odour problem, or she looks like that all the time.

2) My Boss didn't wear a tie.

3) And the 'Avon Representative' continues to post to the company noticeboard on a regular basis.

Thus endeth the increasingly tired recounting of life in the office. Not only does not much happen, but I just don't tell it well. Far better wordsmiths than I are out there plying their trade for the benefit of humanity. Providing us with such gems as the ad slogan:

"Soya, but not as you currently know it"

and the title of mono-nostriled ex-Eastenders barmaid Daniella Westbrook's autobiography:

"The Other Side of Nowhere"

to give just two examples.

Coming soon in this space: Funny Things Kids Say ... On The Bus, as well as Uncut! - Home Movies of the Balance-Impaired 2. To be followed by Tales From My New Job With ITV.

Really Loud, Really Gay Guy: An Apology

More tales from the IT Dept.: Really Loud, Really Gay Guy* is leaving.

And all at once I am suffused with regret and a sense of loss. I feel keenly just how much his loudness and gayness brought light and life to the office. Like the time he put away the lone straggle of tinsel that remained visible beside the internal mail tray in May, exclaiming "I can't bear to look at it anymore, it makes me think of Christmas". His name was Peter, and he will be sorely missed.


In other news, Principal Skinner hasn't been seen since Tuesday, and some other guy is sitting in his place. I didn't think I'd care, but it seems I do.


* ibid

Life is Not a Meg Ryan Movie #1

I get a missed call from person unknown. The following text message conversation ensued:

Me: Who is this? I have a missed call from you.

Person: Sorry, wrong number.


Person, again, 5 minutes later: Sorry, wrong number.

Me: No worries. Just don't do it again. Unless you're a 23-year-old brunette who likes long walks in the park and Woody Allen movies.

End of conversation.

Work Is Boring - An Update

Today's news in full:

In ominous tones, Throaty Cockney vowed revenge on whomever half-inched his stapler.

Through gritted teeth, Leggy Businesswoman and Giggles McFlirt complimented each other's hair.

Prematurely Grey Dude's ringtone became annoying. [update - we just figured out what song it is - The Hives' Because I Wanna]

And Really Loud, Really Gay Guy accidentally made too many photocopies of something. He rang Sharon to tell her about it. Sharon was 'busy'.



(today's news has been embellished to the point of fabrication)